Sometimes it’s easy to ask for help. Sometimes it’s hard. Maybe it’s a question of framing.
When there’s something I can’t do at work, I reach out for help. It’s OK to say “I can’t fix this spreadsheet up, could you show me how?”, or “I think I’m missing some perspective here, could you take a look for me?”
When there’s something I can’t work out how to express, I chew on it for ages. I’ll mull it over, sometimes for weeks on end. When I can’t work out an interpersonal dynamic, it blocks effective work until I get it worked out – and that takes a long time when I have to do it on my end.
What if, instead, I just ask for help? Just like when I can’t work out how to do a thing.
Questions like:
“When I do this, does it feel like I’m stepping on your toes?”
“Do you think it’s helpful to the team when I do this thing?”
“I’ve noticed a dynamic in meetings where I seem to be stopping your creative thoughts, could you help me to fix that?”
“If you were to point out something I could go and do now to make our teamwork better, what would it be?”
Objectively, these display the same level of vulnerability as spreadsheet assistance requests. There’s something I can’t do, and need help with. But subjectively, without specific framing, they’re showstoppers.
However, the mere act of framing them as requests for help resolves a lot of the toughness.
So yeah. Ask for help. Get better. Grow. Just ask.