An epic 3-year project from Malcolm Gladwell about how bad we are at knowing other humans.
The key takeaway for me was that it’s hubris to assume that one can know another person. Spies, CIA interrogators, judges, police – none of them can tell when someone is lying, none of them can predict with any decent hit rate a future choice someone will make.
We assume the best in other people, until the opposing evidence becomes impossible to ignore (an extremely high threshold for most).
We assume that people are transparent; that their emotions are transmitted through their faces like in a Hollywood movie. When someone is consistent at projecting emotion, that’s perfect. Otherwise it goes horribly wrong.
We assume that people’s decisions are based on deep thought and intention, and can’t be swayed by small environmental changes. Nudging work is becoming more commonplace, but most people would swear that it’s ineffective.
My own note:
We’re terrible at reading other people’s emotions, motives and intentions. We NEED to be mindful of that, and work harder. Ask more. Embrace the idea of sonder, and explore each other’s.
The book itself is a moving read – it’s one of the ones you have to actually consume yourself to be moved by it, though. Condensed into soundbites, it does nothing.